Erma Bombeck

Erma Louise Bombeck (born Erma Fiste; February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996) was an humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described home life humorously from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became best-sellers.

From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife with broad, and sometimes eloquent, humor.

Some of her Quotes:

"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you".

"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone"?
"All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them".

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it".

"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence".

"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and says he's doing nothing, but the dog is barking, call 911".

"When humor goes, there goes civilization".

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

"Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother".
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage".

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died".

"On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings".

"There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo".

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